One of my earliest recollections is that of being the family joke, the “uh-oh” baby of the family. I was raised in a loving home, with 2 siblings, my mom and dad as well as the proverbial dog and sometimes cat. I was, however, without the benefit of a church-going family. I nevertheless knew Christian principals as I grew up because my mother taught us to live according to Biblical ways. The main reason we didn’t go to church is that she could not drive. We were limited in the places we could go, to say the least! (My dad had a job that required traveling). I did have a neighbor who went to church faithfully and I went with her and her daughter, my friend, whenever I could.
One night, when I was about 14 years old, my friend asked if I wanted to go to a revival at her church. During the invitation time, at the end of the service, I felt the call of God through the preaching of the Word and felt compelled to go forward to the altar. I remember only that the pastor prayed over me, or for me. That, I believe made me a Christian. But, something was wrong, though, because I never seemed to have the assurance of my salvation….it was like a nagging doubt that followed me. I did go to church every opportunity I had throughout the years during that time, and went forward during the altar call and “asked Jesus into my heart” countless times. I became very religious, very black and white, very opinionated! I did all the religious, moral things for years.
Nothing changed…… except that I fell into a pit of sin. Big change for one who was so moral. I abandoned “religion” to follow this sinful path for years. Not only was it not fulfilling, it left me with a condemnation I had never had before. Slowly, I began to seek God again, ever so slightly, not knowing, of course, that it was God who was pursuing me. One night after work, I turned on the TV and a Billy Graham crusade was in progress. I had watched these crusades many times. I was reading a book at that time, certain I knew what he was basically going to say. I don’t remember what he said or preached about, but when I heard him declare, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have eternal life”(John 3:16), there was an immediate and instant reaction in my heart. I had known this scripture for years, had heard it preached, had even quoted it, but that night, I knew I had truly heard it for the first time. The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and the one word that He amplified was “perish”. I absolutely knew that I was going to perish as a sinner apart from Christ. As this terrifying reality settled over me, the Holy Spirit then highlighted the word “whosoever’. I not only qualified as a sinner, but I qualified as a “whosoever” also!! Sinners need a Savior, the One and Only Son of God. The remedy was to “believe in Him”. The remedy for a sinner who was going to perish, was to become a whosoever who believes in the Son of God. Believes what? That the Son of God, Jesus Christ, is the One who took (bore) our sin. It became personal that night, a sinner met a Savior. That’s what it means to “believe”, to “accept Jesus”, you accept the truth that Jesus personally bore your sin, that He took your punishment so God the Father could forgive you. The Bible states it this way: For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 5:17(NLT). It is not enough to know that Jesus is the Son of God, that God loved the whole world (including you), that Jesus died on a cross ~ those facts, and belief in those facts as truth, are not enough to keep you from perishing. You must believe in Him for yourself. That it was you personally that He died for. It must be a real realization and when that realization grips you, you can’t just say, “oh ok, I can believe that Jesus died on the cross.” To come to the realization is to immediately know you can do nothing to make up for your sin. The only One who can is the One and Only who died in your place as if He were the one that committed every sin you are guilty of.
When that truth hits you, there is an immediate desire to be forgiven, not just “I’m sorry I got caught” but “I do not want to live that way again”…..in Biblical terms, repentance. Turning from the way you have lived apart from God to God. This all happened to me in an instant as the Holy Spirit took the Word of God and applied it to my heart. In that space of time, the Word of God both condemned me and saved me! God is so incredibly gracious that He will not let you know you are condemned without showing you the remedy, the Savior, Jesus Christ. In that instant, I knew I had been born again, that my sin had been paid for, that I was forgiven, the slate was wiped clean. I knew it. I immediately had joy like I had never experienced before. My life changed in many ways, for instance, I did not desire to live the way I had been. I was not now searching for fulfillment, so I did not have to seek satisfaction in an always empty and unsatisfiying place. There was a newness to my life, attitude, reality, desires and choices. Again, the Bible states it this way: Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone, a new life has begun! 2 Corinthian’s 5:17.
I have been walking with Christ over 40 years now. I have found Him absolutely faithful, good, merciful, gracious, powerful, present with me, and satisfying. I have stumbled, doubted, had highs and lows, gone though heartbreaks, uncertainties, many and varied troubles and many trying times. My new life began at my conversion, but my testimony is on-going. Every day, God is at work, completing the work He began in me decades ago. I will be eternally grateful!
